Then the Universe saw my poker face…

Well it has been a hell of a long time. I will be honest. I haven’t written because I am hiding. This past few months have been garbage. Like a smoldering, rotting, festering and really stressful pile of garbage.

-School
-orders (the husband is being called back for a while)
-work
-life in general can suck.

Even the fun stuff we have done has been shadowed by the stench of stress.

My kids… well a few of them… all got THE LICE.

yeah, I can see you itching already but keep reading if you have ever dealt with this because I am SURE you could use the laughs.

It all started in mid-January when my best friend and her family came over for a day. We had fun. Kids played. Grown ups day drank and we all had a good laugh over the silliness of the VR thing that they got and brought over.

Then the next day I get a phone call from the BFF about how her daughter had lice. That the kids in daycare keep getting lice and set it all on fire. It doesn’t matter how rich or poor or clean you keep your life: lice don’t give AF.

I live in an unnatural level of terror of lice. Something about the trauma of getting lice from a birthday party when I was six and having my mother comb through my hair from my new home of the bathtub for a week straight scared me for eternity. I lecture about hats, hairbrushes and try to keep the girls hair combed and tidy… tea tree oil for everything!

After mentally screaming. Check kids. No lice. Check them every day for a week.

Phew!

Then a couple of weeks later got a note from the Kindergarten (which is a petri dish. They are so precious but FFS they are also little festering monsters of runny noses, sticky hands and sand) that there was a lice thing: my kid looked fine but they need to let us know.

Phew! But we comb through and throw back-pack through the drier. Just in fucking case, ya’ll.

Now we were off to this big pretend-fun-for-the-family-before-husband-leaves-for-work thing in California. It is for a long 4 day “weekend”. SO we pack up the kids. We load up the mini-van and we drive to death by powerpoint. We decided that while we were there: DISNEYLAND! Woot! Planned the trip all set for the last day in California! PLUS, we can visit my sister who is just a hop skip and jump away!

WRONG.

This is where my kids DO get lice.

After 2 false alarms. They get lice while we are literally in a completely different STATE.

This, what is set up to be the greatest surprise we manage to pull off ever, is where the girls get THE LICE. Big scary adult ones! The kind that lay eggs that leads to full infestations!

of course.

SO. We spent 6 hours. Yes, that is correct: SIX HOURS at my sisters house washing everything they have been near. Treating their heads and my head and my husbands head and mentally screaming. 100 dollars in lice shampoo and untold hours combing through hair. For the record: my daughters both have longer hair. It is thick and Three has super gorgeous beachy waves NATURALLY. Which makes this process take 10 times longer.

FINALLY: After hours and hours of three adults combing through 5 children hair we raise our arms and say: I think we are good. I check the hubs. He checks me. I then check my sister. We are filled with cautious relief.

At least we caught them early. Only the 2 girls had them but they shared a bed. We killed every last (I think honestly it was only like 5 or 6) lice that day.

But the eggs… for fuck sakes… the eggs are the big problem. The shampoo doesn’t murder the eggs so you have to pull them out one by one. AND they are itty bitty and hard to find and Four hates sitting still that long.

She fusses and fidgets and we end up watching a hell of a lot of “lolirock” on Netflix. This show is trash, if you don’t already know. Zero substance but it made her zone out for the hour a day I combed through her hair.

Lice live for like 30 days. They are eggs (Nits) for like 5 to 7 days and then little babies for 5-7 days and then adults that lay nasty eggs for like 5-7 days and then they, like, retire or something and just make kids heads itch for 5-7 days. Then they die.

So, by doing exactly as instructed we have treated the kids every 5 days. Well… I shaved One, Two and Fives heads. And we seem to have stopped this before  it spiraled out of control

If this ever happens again I am going to just start from scratch. Shave everyones head and throw all the bedding, stuffed animals, car seats, clothes, dress up, barbies, bags and linens out in the garbage. It is all replaceable. My mental health is a little less replaceable…

It is always something here. But I swear to all that is holy I will shave Fours head if she ever gets them again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s