It has been a long time since I posted. Honestly, it has been a really loooong time since I have written anything. At all. Well that was not for monetary exchange. Life sometimes has a way of really curb stomping you after you have been down, once in a while. Like, things are hard and then life looks at you and just flips you the bird.
My husband has been away since last spring. As a military spouse I count myself incredibly blessed that he is still in the USA and not in a combat zone. Problem is he is what feels like a million emotional miles away. The biggest issue is the timezone thing. We have “conversation lag”, we are eating dinner and he is headed to bed. However, I do want to thank Apple for the creation of FaceTime. It literally is life. We miss him a lot.
I am keeping it together. The website I work on is growing by leaps and bounds. The kids are doing well in school and seem happy or at least functional. The house is still standing and it is clean-ish. I made the Dean’s list at my University 2 semesters in a row.
That being said: I have felt like I
was am drowning; like I am being sucked under. I can bounce off the bottom and catch my breath but I always get pulled back under.
People keep telling me how in AWE they are of me. “How do you do it?! Five kids!” “You’re amazing.” I always laugh and say coffee. which is true. (if you’d like to donate to my Drive Thru coffee fund let me know)
I have NO idea how I am doing it. I just am. This is temporary. One foot in front of the other. I am barely doing it. It is a surface thing. Luckily my hair is purple or else everyone would see that I am currently aging like a President. Stress is a nasty deliverer of gray hair and fine lines.
I am looking at my life and I. AM. BOWING. DOWN. To the moms that do this completely on their own. I at least have a voice on the other end of the phone telling me how pretty I am and how when he gets home I am going to get an extra-long momcation.
I appreciate my cheerleaders. I have really, during these past few months, learned the power of friends. Of a “tribe” if you will. If it wasn’t for the amazing people in my life I would not be able to stop sobbing while running errands.
They have fed me, they have watched my children in moments of crisis and just because I needed a break. They have proofed my papers. They have sent me funny memes. They have called/texted/shown up unannounced with caffeine just because they know that I am not good at saying: this is hard and I am not handling it well. They have taught me to create boundaries in my life and to focus on today.
My tribe spans the globe (lots of other military babes on this list) and just feeling the love and support at moments of stress has made me a better student, writer, mother and also friend.
I want to say thank you. But words will never fully express the gratitude I have for these amazing humans. I never knew that I could be so honest and incredibly vulnerable to a group of women and still be accepted. I always scoffed at the way some people talked about their friends. Then I got older. I got wiser and I got more comfortable with who I am as a person. I learned that to be a good friend to someone I needed to be open and vulnerable. This created a paradox. Not only was I able to become a better, more loving friend but I was able to find better and more loving friends.
These women are my tribe. They get me. They lift me up when I am down. They shit talk when I am crabby. They get my humor. And I get theirs. It is a place we can voice our crazy, our fears, our worries and not be judged. And we are all different walks of life.
That is the best thing in the world.